Eating My Elephant
I had everything mapped out. When I was seven I was convinced that I would become a veterinarian. When I was twelve I was convinced that I would become a singer and maybe even audition for American Idol someday. When I was sixteen I thought being a nurse sounded like a nice idea. And now I'm eighteen and for the first time in forever (literally) nothing is mapped out. I look back on those pipe dreams and laugh at how I thought veterinarians got to pick which animals they liked best to help so I thought I could heal cats and dogs and horses and that was it. I laugh because American Idol no longer exists. I laugh at how the idea of being a nurse sounded (sounded being the definitive word) lovely at the time, but when it came down to it I knew that wasn't the kind of job that I was cut out for (bedside manner..... what's that?)
I always thought that by the time you were eighteen you were supposed to have it all figured out. You know, have a college picked out, have a major picked out, maybe even have a future spouse picked out. I guess I had watched too many movies and read too many books where the eighteen year old was saving the world or doing something amazing and seemed to have it all together.
I remember last year at this time I was getting ready to graduate high school and I was in full throttle panic mode. Every day someone would ask "what comes next?" or they wanted to know where I was going to college and at the time I had no answer. I still had this vision in my mind that I was supposed to have it all mapped out because I thought everyone else did. Looking back on that time now, a year later, I can't help but laugh a little at how silly I was to be so worried. My family has always told me that I need to worry more about things. I've always been the procrastinator the "aw don't worry it'll all come together" girl and then almost overnight I became an obsessive worrier.
Here's the thing. No one has it all figured out. I don't know a single person that has it all figured out. I know a lot of people that want you to think they do. This thing that we're living called "life" isn't meant to be mastered like completing the highest level on a game. I know that if I had it all figured out and my mapped out plans had been what I would actually end up doing with my life I would've spent a lot less time seeking God. He gave us His word as a map to guide us through. I've tried more times than I would like to admit to do things the way I see fit. I have always struggled with giving everything to God. I always hold a little something back because I feel like I could do it better myself (to think that I could do something better than the creator of the universe...ridiculous, I know.) This is something that I'm working on daily.
I'm eighteen years old and no, I don't have it figured out and I'm so very glad that I don't. I don't need to have everything mapped out. I don't need a spreadsheet for the next however many years I live on this earth. I was talking with my mom and dad the other day about different college plans and they said something to me that is so true and a bit cheesy. ;) How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. It's a saying we use a lot in my family, but it has always helped me see the big picture. Yes, college is an elephant, but I'm choosing to eat it one bite at a time. I'm not worried about how fast I get to the finish line. I wrote down what I like about where I am in my life right now and these are a few of the things I jotted out: I like teaching my violin students. I like teaching my tap and clogging students. I like living in my house and seeing my family every day. I like being able to play with my niece outside on these warm spring nights. I like having the freedom to go on trips and not worry about missing classes. I like taking one college class at a time and being able to study things that are interesting at my own pace. When I reread that list I thought "why am I so worried? I like where I am. I'm happy with what I'm doing. What else do I need?" I don't need anything else. I will stay in this place and keep eating my elephant until the Lord tells me otherwise. There are still days when I feel dissatisfied and I wonder if I should be going about my life differently, but on those days I seek the Lord and He always answers me the same way. He tells me to keep walking this path and if I need to make a turn then He will show me. So that's what I shall do. Keep walking. Keep eating my little elephant. I don't need to know what my future holds. I don't need a set of blueprints. I don't need to have it all figured out. He had it all figured out for me before I was even born. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6:34
I always thought that by the time you were eighteen you were supposed to have it all figured out. You know, have a college picked out, have a major picked out, maybe even have a future spouse picked out. I guess I had watched too many movies and read too many books where the eighteen year old was saving the world or doing something amazing and seemed to have it all together.
I remember last year at this time I was getting ready to graduate high school and I was in full throttle panic mode. Every day someone would ask "what comes next?" or they wanted to know where I was going to college and at the time I had no answer. I still had this vision in my mind that I was supposed to have it all mapped out because I thought everyone else did. Looking back on that time now, a year later, I can't help but laugh a little at how silly I was to be so worried. My family has always told me that I need to worry more about things. I've always been the procrastinator the "aw don't worry it'll all come together" girl and then almost overnight I became an obsessive worrier.
Here's the thing. No one has it all figured out. I don't know a single person that has it all figured out. I know a lot of people that want you to think they do. This thing that we're living called "life" isn't meant to be mastered like completing the highest level on a game. I know that if I had it all figured out and my mapped out plans had been what I would actually end up doing with my life I would've spent a lot less time seeking God. He gave us His word as a map to guide us through. I've tried more times than I would like to admit to do things the way I see fit. I have always struggled with giving everything to God. I always hold a little something back because I feel like I could do it better myself (to think that I could do something better than the creator of the universe...ridiculous, I know.) This is something that I'm working on daily.
I'm eighteen years old and no, I don't have it figured out and I'm so very glad that I don't. I don't need to have everything mapped out. I don't need a spreadsheet for the next however many years I live on this earth. I was talking with my mom and dad the other day about different college plans and they said something to me that is so true and a bit cheesy. ;) How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. It's a saying we use a lot in my family, but it has always helped me see the big picture. Yes, college is an elephant, but I'm choosing to eat it one bite at a time. I'm not worried about how fast I get to the finish line. I wrote down what I like about where I am in my life right now and these are a few of the things I jotted out: I like teaching my violin students. I like teaching my tap and clogging students. I like living in my house and seeing my family every day. I like being able to play with my niece outside on these warm spring nights. I like having the freedom to go on trips and not worry about missing classes. I like taking one college class at a time and being able to study things that are interesting at my own pace. When I reread that list I thought "why am I so worried? I like where I am. I'm happy with what I'm doing. What else do I need?" I don't need anything else. I will stay in this place and keep eating my elephant until the Lord tells me otherwise. There are still days when I feel dissatisfied and I wonder if I should be going about my life differently, but on those days I seek the Lord and He always answers me the same way. He tells me to keep walking this path and if I need to make a turn then He will show me. So that's what I shall do. Keep walking. Keep eating my little elephant. I don't need to know what my future holds. I don't need a set of blueprints. I don't need to have it all figured out. He had it all figured out for me before I was even born. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6:34
Comments
Post a Comment